The first frantic google search that solidified a very new reality took place while waiting in the line of the Itchy & Scratchy ride at Simpsons Land.

amusement park ride 3 weeks pregnant safe

Was I going to take this embryo on a ride of its own by unwittingly ejecting it from the wall of my uterus? The internet, of course, is a cruel friend to ask. I made it all the way to the entrance before ruefully turning around and pushing my way back through the crowd, leaving a disappointed husband to ride solo. So this was motherhood. Neat.

We officially found out I was pregnant in March, four days before leaving for Los Angeles, though I had suspected it from the very beginning. I’d kept the theory to myself for a couple of weeks to prevent any unnecessary spread of existential reflection, but as the days crept on - the overwhelmingly pungent, achy, and emotional days - I realized I would have to share the news with something other than my nagging period tracker. (Seriously, what grown woman or even period-having girl possibly wants to learn that their life is going to change from what can only be the wide-eyed animal cousin of that obnoxious old paperclip from Microsoft office?) The night I told Jonny, he ironically opened up our conversation with, “I have some potentially big news to share with you. It might be nothing. But it might be something life changing.” Hoo buddy, I thought, You have no idea.

So there we were in LA, on a surprise birthday trip initially intended for seeing all the things, eating all the things, and drinking all the things, and I am reminding Jonny that no, we only need one Duff beer and yes, I would like a nap. Our vacation was still incredible (and, little did we know, a lovely “last hurrah” sendoff to pre-COVID life), though upon waking, or being stuck in traffic, or in lulls over dinner, conversation would inevitably drift back to how and where and if we were going to take the plunge into the overwhelming and completely foreign world of parenting.

Ultimately, we recognized that this kid came into our lives with such a huge, undeniable, declarative force, that both of us noticed. See, when I had told Jonny I thought I was pregnant, he’d responded with, “I don’t know if this is going to help, but I’ve actually suspected it from the very beginning.” We both felt it that day - a force to be reckoned with. A force that chose us. A force that deserves the chance. Carpe diem.

Tom Kha Gai (Chicken, Coconut and Lemongrass Soup)

A few nights into our trip, friends took us to the renowned Night + Market Song in Silver Lake, a spot known for its unapologetic spin on Thai food and extensive natural wine selection. As we settled into our table and I practiced my new, “I’ll just stick with water,” routine, Jonny and I exchanged the do we dare look. What the hell, I shrugged. Let’s blow some minds.

Though I had prepared myself for what the news of my pregnancy was going to mean to our friends, I had overlooked what this news, when heard out loud, was going to mean to me. I was embarrassed. I immediately felt like I’d betrayed some unspoken pact that I’d carelessly agreed to in my 20’s, a pact in which I vowed to be a groovy-bohemian-rock and roll-free wheelin’ type forever. Essentially, a pact to be in my 20’s forever. The news felt treasonous. Parenthood felt like selling out.  

Luckily, the food was spicy, so I had an excuse for my red and sweaty face. I smiled through my discomfort. I swallowed my panic. I sipped my boring water. So this was motherhood. Neat.

Thankfully, my perspective has evolved. So much of my bias came from the inability to see where someone like me could fit under the adult sized umbrella of “mother”. Getting pregnant inspired a dramatic shift in identity and a challenge to ego; I’m now embracing the metamorphosis. Nearly six months in and I am now proud to identify as a mother, and in eternal awe of all of the mothers who ever were and currently are. Life is too short for dumb pacts, or, better yet, for imagining that they ever existed in the first place. There is a balance to everything. The old life and the new. Accepting and changing. Rock and roll and, ugh, easy listening. Thai food. Especially Thai food.    

 Palm sugar, lime juice and fish sauce comprise the holy trinity of many Thai dishes. If one grossly outweighs the other, the dish is ruined; the secret to this cuisine is to strike the perfect balance between these flavors, between the sweet, the sour, and the savory. This is the case for all food, of course, but with Thai food there’s even more urgency, perhaps due to the intensity of these three ingredients.

Nothing is more an example of finding this balance than Tom Kha Gai, a relatively simple soup that relies on the holy trinity to season its benign coconut base. This recipe is based on the one we had that night at Night + Market. Despite not knowing quite how to feel about my new identity, there was one thing that, at the time, I was sure of: this was the best Tom Kha Gai I’d ever had.

Serves: 4 - 6
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes

4 inches lemongrass stalk*
6 cups chicken broth
4 kaffir lime leaves*
1-inch piece galangal, cut into thin coins*
2 13-ounce cans full fat coconut milk
2 tablespoons coconut sugar
2 tablespoons fish sauce
2 cups shiitake, button and/or oyster mushrooms, torn into large pieces
1 1/2 pound chicken thighs, cut into bite-sized pieces
1 jalapeño or 2 birds eye chilis, sliced into thin rounds
Salt
4-6 tablespoons chili jam or store-bought nam prik pao
4-6 tablespoons lime juice
1 cup thinly sliced green onion
1 cup rough chopped cilantro

Remove the outer leaves of the lemongrass and trim off the tough root. Wrap the tender stalk in a paper towel and pound it with a heavy object to bruise slightly. Cut in half on a bias.

In a large saucepan, heat chicken broth to a boil. Add the lemongrass, lime leaves, galangal, and reduce the heat to simmer for about 20 minutes. If you don’t want to eventually fish these inedible, fibrous ingredients out of your bowl, now would be a good time to strain them out of the broth (I kept them in for added flavor and ate around them).

Stir in the coconut milk, sugar, fish sauce, mushrooms, chicken and jalapeño and boil again, then reduce to a simmer and cook for 10 minutes. Remove from heat. Taste and add salt, as needed. (The amount of salt you need will depend entirely on how salty your broth was to start - I used reduced sodium chicken broth so ended up adding almost 2 tablespoons kosher salt.)

Set out your serving bowls, and in each bowl, add 1 1/2 teaspoons of chili jam and 1 1/2 teaspoons of lime juice. Divide soup into each bowl, stir to combine, and taste for balance. Larger bowls might require up to 1 tablespoon of jam and juice, accordingly. When the flavor is to your liking, garnish with green onions and cilantro and serve immediately.

* While lemongrass, lime leaves, and galangal are essential ingredients in Thai cooking, they can be difficult to find. You can make this soup without them by substituting 1 tablespoon lemon zest for the lemongrass, 1-inch ginger + 1/8 teaspoon lemon juice for the galangal, and 1/2 teaspoon lime zest + 1 bay leaf for each lime leaf. The resulting flavor won’t be nearly as complex or authentic, but will ultimately be better than not making any Tom Kha Gai at all.