In chapter 5 of Dostoyevsky’s The Idiot, a story is told of a man with five minutes left to live. Knowing this, he decides to intentionally divide his time into precious segments -  two minutes to bid farewell to his companions, two minutes to examine his own life, and one minute to take a last look around. Recognizing that soon he would cease to be anything, he decides it fitting to concentrate on the glittering light emitted from the gilded spire of a distant church, willing himself to become one with it during the transition from life to death.   

Three days out from the due date of birthing my first child, I feel a bit like this man. Every hour carries the weight of an independence I fear I’ll never know again. Every mundane action is savored on account of its ease. Every quiet morsel of time is drunk to intoxication. I’m portioning out my time with intention, with fervor, with surrender, and with gratitude. One day for friends. One day for myself. One day to just sit, and be. As if it could all be that simple…  

Don’t get me wrong, I’m also excited. My autonomy is a welcomed sacrifice for what’s to come. The reality of welcoming my first born has vastly helped to ground me over the last nine months of life during a global pandemic, a civil upheaval, and a tumultuous national election. My gilded spire is the unavoidable fate of a new identity, a reason to hope for the future. After all, it’s not death that awaits, but new life. 

I just hope I’ll still have the time to muse on Dostoyevsky during the wee hours of the night. Is that too much to ask? 

Regardless, at least I’ll have these energy bombs to keep me nourished.

No-Bake Peanut Butter Chocolate Lactation Bars

I threw everything in my nutrition arsenal at these bars. Ghee and coconut oil for healthy fat, oatmeal for iron and fiber, flax and chia seeds for omega-3 fatty acids, brewers yeast for iron, B vitamins, chromium and selenium, ginger for boosting immunity, and dark chocolate for iron and antioxidants. Oats, brewers yeast, and ginger are also all known galactagogues (lactogenic foods that contain specific nutrients to help with lactation). Even if lactation isn’t on your to-do list, these bites are delicious energy-dense nutrition bombs, perfect for a bit of sustenance when cooking feels like a daunting task.

Feel free to include every ingredient, or pick and choose from your superfood pantry. This recipe is endlessly adaptable; the most important part is the peanut butter and oat ratio (my trial run was just ghee, almond butter, oats, 1/4 cup honey and salt with the dark chocolate topping, and it was divine). Start there, and add the extras to suite your palate, budget, and dietary needs.

Prep Time: 10 minutes, plus chilling time
Yield: 16 squares

4 tablespoons ghee or coconut oil, divided
1 cup old fashioned oats
1 cup unsweetened peanut or almond butter
1/4 cup ground flax seeds
1/4 cup brewers yeast
1 tablespoon chia seeds
1/4 cup desiccated unsweetened coconut
2 teaspoon grated ginger
1/2 cup raw honey
1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup or about 7 ounces dark chocolate chips or chunks

Melt 3 tablespoons of ghee or coconut oil over medium heat in a a large sauté pan. Add the oats and stir until slightly toasted, about 5 minutes. Add peanut butter and stir until it’s nice and melted. Turn off the heat and add flax, yeast, chia, coconut, ginger, honey, cardamom, and salt. Stir until well combined, and taste. Depending on the ingredient list of your peanut butter, you might want to add more honey, salt, or spice. Once the mixture suites your taste, press evenly into a parchment lined 8x8 inch baking pan.

Gently melt together chocolate and 1 tablespoon ghee or coconut oil, either in a double boiler or in the microwave in 30 second bursts. Once melted, pour over oatmeal mixture. Top with finishing salt, if desired (or chopped nuts, seeds or dried fruit if you want to get fancy). Cover and put into the fridge or freezer until firm. Cut into squares, enjoy at your leisure!